Gaps

It's becoming more and more real to me how insufficiently we connect with friends, family, and acquaintances on social media. Facebook and other connectors are truly terrible at letting me know what's important in someone's life. It's disheartening enough for me to want to throw in the towel and give up, but then what would I have? Emails? Letters? *Gasp* meeting in person?! For an introvert, setting up friend dates is actually pretty stressful to me. I have to really like you and miss you or else my Wanna-curl-up-at-home-with-a-book-instead takes over.

Websites like Facebook and Instagram are really just gaps. Big, empty holes between two cute pictures of your baby and your Christmas tree.

What is really happening in between?

What amount of effort did they exert to get that perfect picture? What events occurred in that person's life between those two generic, happy posts? Most people choose not to share much on social media. There's especially an awkward stigmatism towards getting personal, or sharing bad news, or just plain news.

We all have that one friend who posts a play-by-play of every single thing he/she is doing at every minute of every day, and what his/her kids ate for every meal and when they last went to the bathroom. We shun them for being so embarrassingly public, for being "News Feed Whores." (I will further abbreviate as NFWs.) Their life is constantly streamed online for all to see.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, social media has created a culture where it's awkward to share personal, negative things that happen to us. We scroll down so fast that news about the weather is right next to a new baby or a tragic death in the family, and we have become desensitized. So if we share that we have the flu or break a leg (which could have been the most miserable few days/weeks we can remember), we might get a handful of "likes" if we spin the post in a positive way, maybe a few sympathetic comments. But most people won't bat an eye.

In fact, I suspect this blog post itself won't get that many hits unless I put a really alluring picture to go with it. Or make the title super click-bait or announce some huge news. So here's a picture I googled so 10 more of you will read this.

We are either inundated with way too much information from our NFWs that when something very important happens to them, we miss it,

OR

We just see pretty, smiling pictures of babies and families and yummy dinners but nothing about what is really going on in their life.

For example, how many of you know that I spent all day at the ER all day yesterday with my mother and baby and thought my world was literally ending? That I had a complete anxiety breakdown in the parking lot and Scott was helping me breathe through the phone while he was stuck at work?

Do you know one of your friends may have a severe auto-immune disease, or another one of your friends battles an eating disorder?

How much do you know about your friends' new babies other than how much they weigh and if they're sleeping through the night?

How much do you want to know?

When we log in to Instagram or Facebook, etc, what are we hoping to see? Pinterest-like pictures of smiling people that make us happy? Political rants that we can readily add our voice to? Or do we want to know what's truly going on in the lives of as many of our friends as possible?

How do we cure our ever-shortening attention-span to really reach people and connect? In our hunger for fast, vital information, is there a better way to use these social media outlets? Will we always demand well-edited pictures and 30 second video clips to speak to each other?

I get so excited to get a random message from an old friend I haven't talked to in years, and then I burst into tears when after we exchanged a few words I find out my "random" message was really just a pitch to get me to buy their makeup or their LuLaRoe.

I appreciate and admire the candor and vulnerability of many people on my news feed who precariously balance sharing their big ups and downs without being NFWs. How do you do it?

Maybe during this #LightTheWorld Christmas challenge we can reach out to a random person on Facebook (preferably not a former boyfriend/girlfriend) and really get to know what's going on in their gaps. Maybe meet up for fro-yo or lunch. Or would that be too awkward?

Consider this my open invitation to be more raw, more open, and more real on social media. If you don't want to share that much info with "strangers," then maybe you have too many Facebook friends. Maybe you could separate your friends list into "friends" and "acquaintances" and save the cute Pinterest-type posts just for the acquaintances. You can control exactly how much you share and who you share it with (do any of you already do this?).

Or maybe you can start a blog. I would love to read it.

Are You Still Alive?

Are You Still Alive?

This is the question we silently ask our baby girl when we realize she has been asleep for 7 hours straight. 8 hours. 9 hours. Indeed, she decided to give us the gift of sleep that night by herself sleeping. "Is she sleeping through the night?" Is the number one (and sometimes ONLY) question we get asked now. Since I guess it is apparently a burning question, the answer is, "Sometimes." But there's a more important question.

Are You Still Alive?

This is the question I ask my husband after a long day of work. I married a superstar. He jumps right into parenting after his workday, and even though I am no longer working he still gets up with me in the middle of the night to help feed her. He is the definition of teamwork, and I am so grateful to have him by my side. He is the better parent, too, although he would argue that.

Are You Still Alive?

The question I ask myself every day. Am I making it? The answer is always yes, and I'm sure I don't give myself enough credit. As a recovering PPA (Post Partum Anxiety) momma, I'm trying to be kind to myself and remember that Baby is healthy and happy. I can't believe we made it through three months with this little turkey. She simultaneously drives us nuts and makes us crack up laughing. We love her quirks and her budding personality. Since I haven't really posted much of anything since she was born, here are a few recent highlights.

Our photographer came back, and this time we got some great shots with our Hosanna Rae.

 

Zanna got to meet more of her family, including her Grandpa Dave (not to be confused with her great-Grandpa Dave, whom she also met) on the weekend of her baby blessing, October 9. 

My mom came into town for 2.5 weeks to watch Zanna while I went back to work.

Zanna-doo's first Halloween as a pumpkin.

Zanna's new favorite hobby: walks with daddy. Especially because he bundles her up so cute.

 

 

Our new conclusion that Z should basically wear yellow every day.

Zanna "meeting" her Auntie Janae (Scott's sister):

And Zanna filling our home with her first source of music: her adorable giggle. (See Scott's Instagram/Facebook post today with the proof).

Are You Still Alive?

Yes we are still alive, and we are doing okay. It hasn't gotten too much easier, but it's gotten a lot better. 

"It Comes Naturally"

To avoid the façade of looking put-together, I want to set the record straight.

Let's start with the darling newborn photos Scott and I just shared.
Our poor photographer was at our house for 4 hours waiting for Hosanna to fall asleep for the shots.

She never did.

The photographer snapped a few pics with Scott before he finally had to leave for work. Zanna was basically screaming the rest of the time. It's a genuine miracle that we got a few perfect shots in those 4 hours. If she looks like she's sleeping, she's not. She was blinking. Or momentarily lulled by the hair dryer. We didn't get any pictures of the three of us together.

They say that being a mom comes naturally. I had no experience with babies growing up. I babysat probably three times in my whole life and had no little siblings, cousins, or nieces/nephews to practice with. They said, "Don't worry! You will instinctively know what to do once you become a mom."

False.

I still have to be coached on how to change a diaper, how to hold a baby and support her head, and how to dress/undress her. I have yet to tackle bathing her by myself. When she cries I ask my mom or Scott why she's crying. She falls asleep better in basically everyone's arms but mine.

Zanna hates bows.

They say that breastfeeding comes naturally. Your baby will know how to latch, and your body will just "know" what to do and how much milk to produce for your baby....the whole demand/supply thing.

False.

They say you can train your baby to sleep through the night and have restful naps during the day, as long as she gets a full feeding every time. False. They should have written an alternate "Baby Wise" book for babies with colic, tummy issues, and an extremely stubborn and independent temperament.

They say you're a bad parent if you co-sleep or let baby sleep on her tummy, or formula feed her, or let her nurse to pacify, or [insert opinion here], etc.

Just remember that all babies are different, parents are even more different, and you have to figure out what works best for you.

They say that being a mom comes naturally. It does not. You are thrown into the steepest learning curve of your life, and you are basically forced to figure everything out. I think even loving our baby did not happen immediately, as we were exhausted and shocked and delirious thinking, Is this what parenthood is?

They say it is all worth it:

True.

Hosanna Rae

A week ago today I gave birth to a dark haired, blue-eyed cherub who has already turned our world upside down. Here's her story.

Depressed and resigned to be approaching my induction date, I asked my sisters if they would come visit me on Saturday after Rikkiann flew in from California. They agreed, and they (and Josh) spent time with me, anchoring my changing table and playing Anomia (awesome card game) that made me split my gut laughing. When I stood up to get some food I felt a long leak, like I had just wet myself. I went to the bathroom and kept leaking, and told my sisters my water might have broken. It wasn't a massive gush like I expected so I wasn't sure. I called the on-call physician, and he said it would be very important to check in to the hospital just in case. Scott was still at work for another hour, so I grabbed our hospital bags (that have been packed for weeks), snapped this picture, and we headed out.

I was admitted at 1:22pm. I checked into triage, got hooked up to the baby HB monitor and contraction monitor and they were actually not sure if my water had broken or not; one test was positive and one was negative. They said Baby Girl's HB was variable when I would contract so they would need to monitor her, so I was there to stay anyway. My sisters and Josh left to go get my mom (she lives an hour away) and Scott arrived. I was hooked up to a penicillin IV to get antibiotics in my system. Scott gave me a Priesthood blessing when there was a small break from nurses coming in to check on me. So grateful for that blessing.

I spent the rest of the evening letting my body naturally go into labor. They gave me a portable monitor so I could walk the halls, which I really appreciated. I was 2cm dilated at check in, and by the time my contractions got unbearable and I was ready for the epidural, I was 5cm.

After I got the epidural at 11:15pm, I feel like all hell broke loose. They officially "broke" my water, and there was a lot of it, so they concluded that the sac had just ruptured. Baby needed more oxygen from distress so they put me on that. They had to put in an internal fetal monitor, an internal contraction monitor, and a catheter once you're on the epidural (OMG best thing ever. They couldn't believe how much I pee....anyway....). My legs were completely lead so it was very hard to move around. I made Scott sleep while I wrestled through, to-date, the worst night of my life. The epidural somehow did not work on the right side of my back so I could feel my excruciating contractions.

OH, and my OB/GYN whom I had seen the last year that knew everything about me and my pregnancy and birth plan was not there. And I was told he wasn't going to be there. Can you say panic?? They gave me petocin a couple times to speed up contractions. That didn't work. They did an amnio-something to help baby since they had already removed the amniotic fluid. That didn't work. That, added with the 99 cords connecting me to machines, and growing hunger and fatigue, really stressed my body out and I threw up and was nauseous. I didn't get a wink of sleep.

Meanwhile, lots of friends and family were texting/messaging wanting updates. I'm sorry I didn't respond to most of you. I was pretty miserable. And tired. And just wanted to be left alone because obviously there was no news. But I appreciate the prayers and love from you all!

Mom-in-law hanging out at the hospital being my rock.

Then a prayer was answered. They knew how much I wanted my doctor so they called him, and he came in on his off weekend to assess me. By morning time, I had dilated from a 5 to a whopping 6. YUP.  That nightmare night- and I had progressed ONE CENTIMETER. He knew how vehemently against having a C section I was. But he said I could potentially labor like this another 10-12 hours and still have the C section, or have the baby now.

It was such an easy decision. I said, "Even if I finally progress, I'm tired, I'm hungry, and I'm at my wits end. I will not even have the energy to push." I asked him what the timeline was now, and he said "Oh we are going to do the operation now. Your baby will be here in the next hour."

C-Section- I didn't feel the cut and it was so fast. The feeling of getting wheeled into a scary operation room, but none of the staff are panicked because it wasn't an emergency C section, and then being told my baby would be here in literally 15 minutes, was so relieving. They let whomever I wanted watch from the window. I chose my moms and Rikki.

They let Scott dress in scrubs and sit by my head. I was anxious and it still hurt (lots of pressure), so I asked him to sing to me, and sing he did. I wonder what the 10 nurses/doctors thought of that.

The one feeling I won't ever forget is when she was lifted from me. It was so relieving. But....we didn't hear anything.

My blue baby was not crying, not breathing. They put an oxygen mask on her. I thought, is this normal? Is this bad? I just wanted her to breathe. I had slurred in my drugged state "What's her APGAR?" The lady with the orange stethoscope said, "There's no way to know that, it hasn't been 5 minutes yet."

B.S.

I'm no dummy; I know a baby gets an APGAR score twice, at 1 minute and 5 minutes after birth. But she was a smart lady and knew it was not wise to tell me that my baby was a 2. After an eternity, baby cried. Not the shrill piercing cry you expect, but it was there. They wrapped her up and put her on me for a family picture that I don't remember.

Then they took my baby away from me. Scott and I had already discussed that he would follow baby everywhere. He did, and this is where my sister took the famous smiley picture of Hosanna Rae that stole everyone's heart.

By the way, her APGAR at 5 minutes was a 9 (out of 10). Talk about a dramatic change. Thank you doctors.

They stitched me up and wheeled me into the recovery room where I would live the next 4 days. It was truly overwhelming. All our family was there and Scott was pacing with baby. They were all waiting for me to get to hold her first, but I couldn't even keep my eyes open. It was truly devastating. Although this picture is kinda hilarious.

Recovering from a C section is painful, and it's frustrating to have to ask for help going to the bathroom and all that. I had to be on oxygen again that night, of course I couldn't even feed my baby yet, and the first 24 hours was a daze. Although sometimes I wanted to be alone, I appreciated our immediate families being there to hold and love on our princess that first day when I couldn't. The rest of the hospital stay was pretty tough. I could write paragraphs about everything that did/did not happen, but the short is that it was just hard.

Thank heaven for grandmas. Pretty sure my mom has more of the "new mommy" glow than I do. Not convinced? Exhibit B.

My OB/GYN said I could go home Wednesday or Thursday. We chose Wednesday after dinner. If anything, the last few days have been even harder as we've been getting to know our baby, learning what she likes, what makes her cry, and how to feed her. I'm exhausted beyond measure, and the longest I sleep is 3 hours. There have been a lot of tears. a LOT.

Friday night is date night, so Scott and I snuck away while my Mom watched baby, to go on a DATE! to....the grocery store. Hey, I'll take it. Apparently, she was a screaming nightmare the second we stepped out the door. But I am glad I kept resisting calling Mom a billion times in the 40 minutes we were gone. I really needed my string cheese.

So here we are! We are exhausted, we have no idea what we are doing, but there's no turning back now! This cute little butterball has completely changed our life and we adore her. We will probably still be off the map for another week or two. We love you all and will definitely let you know when you can come cradle this little girl.

My First Day of Maternity Leave

6:15am Wake up starving. Make a big cup of chocolate milk. Go back to bed.

6:45am Snuggle with Scott until he gets up to go to work

7:30am Check social media and the news

7:55am Crank up Justin Bieber and clean the kitchen. Take out the trash and start laundry.

8:35am Read books on marriage/parenting/babies

9:00am Breakfast and budget

9:20am -12pm Reading, napping, and cleaning

12pm Make lunch for Scott

12:30pm Scott comes home! Eat lunch together

12:55pm Read outside in the sun

1:15pm Read inside in the A/C

2pm Give up and drive up to Mom's

I haven't had this much free time for so long! I'm just a ticking time bomb. It's hard to make any plans because we don't know when this baby will make her debut. I had a couple of hours of false labor a few nights ago, so maybe that's a good sign. C'mon, Baby Girl! Daddy and Mommy really want to meet you!

Expecting

In all honesty, I don't know what I'm expecting.

People ask me if I'm terrified, nervous, or excited, and I just shrug and say "YES!"

All of the things. And none of them. Because I don't know what to expect. I'm bracing myself for that moment when I'm in labor in the hospital and I have a complete meltdown, screaming, "WAIT! Is this really happening? I'm not ready for this!! I have no idea what I'm doing!!!"

Fortunately, no one does. I often compare my pregnancy to my mom's, who was not as fortunate as I was and waited 8 years for her first child to enter her life. Surely she had plenty of time to prepare and definitely knew what to expect, right? Incorrect. She lived hours away from her family, including her mom, and back in 1982 you couldn't just text the one who birthed you and say, "Hey Mom, did I just feel a contraction?" or "How did breastfeeding work for you?" She had to figure it out on her own, like many moms out there, and she did great. (Well, her three daughters turned out okay!)

I'm a planner. I like to know my future and know my way. I like the path to be lit up before I take a step onto it. My LDS mission in Tennessee helped me understand finally what the Lord had been trying to teach me: That's not how faith works.

Ultimately, this little girl is not really mine. I may say that she is a lot, but she's on loan. She is a daughter of a Heavenly King, and He is entrusting her to our care. He will not let us fail. I cannot plan or expect anything, but I can trust that we will know what to do when the time comes.

Scott and I will mess up. And I sure hope with all my heart that people who see those mistakes will let it go and remember that they are imperfect too. There is too much judgment and too much hatred right now. Why should I be so afraid of not being a perfect mom? I've never done it before. How can I be perfect at something I've never practiced?

I believe this is a pivotal part of the healthy relationship Scott and I have had for our nearly two years of marriage. There is so much people can pick apart and accuse of each other. Whenever Scott has made a mistake or done something I did not like, I pause and remember that I probably made 4 mistakes a minute earlier, and he never said a word. I love my husband and his never-ending kindness and patience. Is it really necessary to point out his flaws? Is it constructive? Am I just being prideful?

Anyway, I digress. When we expect, sometimes we forget to trust and have faith in the One who already knows All. Instead, let's hope, let's pray, and let's do, and not get discouraged when things don't go according to our best laid plans. So let's toast: I raise my cup of chocolate milk (a current staple) and say, "Here's to having no idea how to parent!"

If She's Anything Like Me

The last couple days before we found out our baby's gender, I think either God or The Stork Fairy was dropping clues that we were having a girl.  I had convinced/prepared myself to give birth to a raucous, energetic little boy that I would not know what to do with. When the ultrasound tech had us look away to check the gender (because we were going to be surprised the next day), she found it in about two seconds, and when I asked if she was certain she said, "Oh definitely." Everyone in that room (besides the tech) was certain we were having a Scott Jr.

But while I was sitting in Scott's work cafeteria for lunch that day, the song "Daughters" by John Mayer came on. I smiled to myself, thinking, "I will remember this moment if by some chance I end up having a girl." This was also when Kelly Clarkson's song "Piece by Piece" was really popular, and I got really emotional (like everyone else, I guess) when she sang about her daughter in the last verse.

I was deeply moved -and shocked- when I found out we were expecting a girl. I wanted a little girl so badly, one that would be my best friend just as my mom has been mine. I found this picture on Pinterest--forget it quickly because you'll see it pop up on my social media page in 3 years with me and my daughter. Yep, I'm gonna be that mom.

(from this website, where there more cute pictures of these two)

I'm can't wait to teach her about her divine nature, her royal potential, and what true beauty is. If I can be responsible for one less female in the world hating her body and doubting her self worth, then I will be happy.

If she's anything like me, she will spend her childhood as a dreamer, changing careers every day and writing lots of stories.

She may inherit my gummy smile, that I got from my mom.

If she's anything like me, I will find her reading dozens of books, rescuing roly polys, and asking 100 questions every day, showing her zeal for learning everything she can about this world.

If she's anything like me, she will enjoy climbing trees and riding her bike almost more than dress up and Barbies. Almost.

I  know that one day I will be yelled at and the door slammed in my face by a teenage drama queen, so I can then call my mom in tears and say "I'M SO SORRY!! I GET IT NOW." If she's anything like me, we'll make up and go out for hamburgers a couple hours later.

I hope she will not worry about school drama and just be herself. If I could go back in time, I would have marched more to my own drum and stopped worrying about fitting in.

If she's anything like me, she will be a perfectionist. I can't wait to stay up late at night helping her with her school projects, like my mother did with each of us.

I look forward to dressing her up in crazy costumes for Halloween, although my mom is definitely going to have to help with the sewing. I didn't inherit that talent.

If kicking/movement equates with personal preference, then she already loves music and singing as much and Scott and I do. We need a third voice.

I can't wait to see how she interacts with her daddy. My husband is one of the most Christlike people I know, and watching the way he treats our little girl will teach me more about my Heavenly Father and how He feels about me.

If she's anything like me, she will be loved deeply, and forever, by her mother, like I am by mine. Happy Future Mother's Day to me.

15 Things I Recently Learned

I spend a good portion of my evenings on the internet teaching myself about pregnancy and childbirth and babies. And of course good ol' experience. Here's what it's like right now in the child-birthin' world:

1. There are no simple baby bathtubs anymore. They are all complicated and fancy. If it were up to me, I'd do away with all the extra nooks and crannies. That's just more to clean up...

2. It is literally impossible to find a perfect thermometer. Did you know there is actually not ONE trusted, absolute, home thermometer available for purchase? I looked at every bestseller on Amazon, and many people had problems with even the highest purchased! Those that rated them highest didn't mention the devices actually helping them when the baby got a fever.

3. There are 164,000 extras that stores and companies try to convince you are vital for your baby's life. Please comment below if you've actually found your $21 changing pad is the only way you can safely and comfortably change your little one's diapers.

4. Target maternity swimsuits are ugly. The cute maternity swimsuits are mostly in the $80-$100 range. There goes that cute Instagram photo I was planning for this summer.

5. There's no clear cut information on where a baby is supposed to sleep for the first year of life. Bassinet and then crib? Skip the bassinet and sleep every night in a rock n play? Go straight to a crib? Is a crib vital?

6. Side note -where have maternity pants been ALL MY LIFE????

7. Back to washing the baby - why are there 7 different things? What's wrong with one all-over wash?

8. I was apparently supposed to ask my ultrasound tech 10 questions yesterday at my anatomy ultrasound, like does the baby's heart have 4 chambers, a spine, two hemispheres in the brain, etc. Because apparently these ultrasounds are just for kicks and techs just like to rub jelly all over you for no reason. I felt like an idiot thinking I had to guide the ultrasound. Ha. Ha.

9. Speaking of the ultrasound, I got to see my baby's ears today! Her little ears are poking out, wondering when her mother will stop making useless mumblings and start talking to her more!

10. A babymoon is a real thing. People in my August 2016 babies Facebook group are booking these big trips and I'm like, "Does an extra-long visit to the grocery store count?"

11. Breastfeeding doesn't exactly start at birth. You can start, er, leaking at 12-14 weeks. So glad this hasn't happened to me...yet.

12. My toes are slowly disappearing....

13. ...and pretty soon I won't be able to reach to shave my legs.

14. There is a LOT of advice out there on baby sleep philosophies. This website has the best. (LOL)

15.  Ice cream is always the answer. Oh wait...I already knew that.

Ties or Tutus?

There are a dozen old wives' tales for predicting the baby's gender. I decided to try some of them out. For any of my friends who are moms, I am curious to know if you tested any of these and which ones "worked." I won't know until the end of February, but it is a fun way to pass time!

Ring on a String
This is the test where you tie a string around your wedding ring and dangle it over your belly. Side to side motion = Boy. Circular motion = girl.
Result: I've done this test multiple times (how bored AM I?). The most recent result was side to side. BOY. *P.S. Once I had Scott hold the ring and it literally did nothing. Multiple times. As soon as I grabbed the string it started moving again. Scott witnessed that my hand was still! Crazy...

Mayan Calendar
Aka the Even/Odd test, the legend examines the mother's age and the year of conception. If one number is odd, one even = Boy. If both are even or both are odd = Girl.
Result: Conception was 2015, and I was 25. GIRL.

Chinese Calendar
Result: According to this Chinese gender chart, I'm having a BOY.

Baking Soda
I'm so tired of peeing in a cup, but this was for a good cause. You put a couple tablespoons of baking soda in a cup and then add your urine to it. If it fizzes like soda, Boy. If it's flat, Girl. This one has "worked" for so many people! The science behind this suggests that the gender of the baby changes the mother's hormones, thus changing the mother's acid content in her urine.  I let Scott be a witness on this.
Result: BOY!! It started fizzing immediately before we even looked.

Acne
The tale is that a baby girl steals your beauty, so if I'm having a girl, my skin would be breaking out.
Result: Yup. GIRL.

Dry Skin and Cold Feet
Carrying a boy is said to give a mother dry skin and (literal) cold feet.
Result: Well, it's Utah and I am always cold, and I always have dry skin, especially in the wintertime. But I'll give this one to Team Blue.  BOY.

Salty vs Sweet
One wives' tale says it's all in the cravings. Craving salty and savory? It's a Boy. Thinking of all things Sweet? It's a Girl.
Result: I've always had a sweet tooth, especially while pregnant, so this one may not be fair. GIRL.

Heartbeat
If the baby's heart beat is below 140bpm, Boy. If it's higher than 140bpm, Girl.
Result: Today at 14.5 weeks, the baby's HB was 150. But don't get too excited...4 weeks ago it was 161, and 4 weeks before THAT it was in the 170s. This one says GIRL but it's definitely slowing down to the 140 line.

Total Tally:
Boy: 4
Girl: 4

What should I do for my tie breaker?

Oh and here's another text message conversation with Scott, for your entertainment. As of right now, I'm still in the closet....

Update: I'm safe now. And eating tacos. Not in the closet.

Jelly Bean

It started with THIS:

Hmmm...what do YOU think? Well it had Scott and I going crazy all day. Did we really see a faint line? Are we just imagining it? The next test was much clearer:

We did something special for the reveal with each family. For example, my mom opened this card and my two sisters each unwrapped a binkie. I'm really glad Scott recorded both of the reveals on his camera. We treasure those videos!

I had my first ultrasound on Scott's birthday (December 16) where we first saw the little Jelly Bean, as we all lovingly refer to our growing embryo.

When I tell someone the news, the first question I'm always asked is how I feel. I haven't thrown up, but I was constantly queasy Weeks 6-11. However, if it weren't for all the changes happening to my body, I would have no clue that I was growing a little human. Other symptoms? Well, here are some of the texts my husband gets from me while I'm at work (mine are blue, his are gray):

           

Scott has been an absolute ANGEL through all this. He never complains and is always eager to serve. I'm very grateful.  And YES, I'm already reading 3 or 4 books about pregnancy/childbirth. Would you expect any different? ;)  I waited to announce it until after my next doctor's appointment. My cousin Lauren was in on the secret, and she did a photo shoot for us.

Despite common opinion, pregnancies are never perfectly planned. I believe in a Divine Father who has a plan of His own, and I trust that He is invested greatly in the timing of sending his spirit children down. I don't understand it, but I'm so grateful for this opportunity. Most of our family is on team Girl, but Scott and I pray only for a happy, healthy baby to call ours. (I think Scott desperately wants a boy, because the thought of being completely surrounded by more things PINK is too much!)